Ask Amestris!
by lawlietlivesforever
Summary: Ever had a burning question for an FMA character? Well here's the place to get your answer. Rated T for probably swearing and sexual themes. ENJOY!
1. Chapter 1

LLF: Hi everyone! I'm here in Amestris with all your favourite characters who are here to answer your questions!

Ed: I didn't agree to this!

LLF: Of course you didn't, shorty

Ed: WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT YOU NEED A MICROSCOPE TO SEE?

Everyone: She didn't SAY that

LLF: Anyways, back to the point. I'm here to ask these people everything you want to know about them. From implied romances to 'Colonel Mustang is completely useless' jokes-

Roy: HEY!

LLF: I'll take them all!

* * *

**SO PLEASE SEND ME YOUR QUESTIONS SO THAT THEY CAN BE ANSWERED. I'D PREFER IT IF YOU PM'ED THEM TO ME BUT YOU CAN ALSO SUBMIT THEM AS REVIEWS. I'LL ANSWER ALL QUESTIONS, SO PLEASE ASK ANYTHING!**


	2. Chapter 2

LLF: OKAY! So I have lots of lovely questions for you all!

Roy: *sigh* Why did I agree to this?

LLF: You didn't. But not doing so will unleash my inner psychopath! But that isn't the point, first up is my buddy Eliza Tenorio

ET: HEy i got lots of questions! but I'll supress my fangirl... so I'll just ask three: Roy your always viewed as a player... but are you really? can you really woe women? I doubt your skills... so can you woe Riza for me?

Roy: *smirks* well… *moves closer to Riza*

Riza:*pulls out her gun* Don't even try, sir.

LLF: Uh… nice try?

ET: Ed please give details from your love life with Winry.. I'm pretty sure you guys have done stuff that weren't shown on the series :)

Ed: What kind of a question is that? Don't imply stuff that isn't going on between me and Winry!

Al: Come on brother, you know it's true…

Ed: SHUT UP AL! NO! I REFUSE TO ANSWER!

LLF: Aww… Is someone in denial?

Ed: I AM NOT IN DENIAL!

LLF: Maybe they like someone else… *looks around the room at other characters commonly paired with Ed*

Ed: NO! SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!

LLF: Well, I think we'd better move on before someone gets killed, so nest question please…

ET: And last of all! I know he isn't a popular character and many people hate him.. but Kimblee, do you have any friends? Or maybe even have you ever had a girlfriend in your entire life..? cuz you seem to really like to blow up ppl...maybe ya just lk prostitutes instead '0'

Kimblee: I don't need friends, or a girlfriend! I CAN BLOW PEOPLE UP! MWAHAHAHAHA!

LLF: Ok! I think we need to move on now, so our next guest is Maria Raluca

MR: For Ed: WHAT THE HELL SHAMPOO DO YA USE?! I WANT TOO!

Ed: I use TRESeme. *flicks hair* Professional, and affordable.

Everyone else: *Looks at Ed confusedly*

LLF: It actually does make your hair feel awesome, but that's beside the point. Our next guest is killamankira

KMK: to ed: why do you get so offended when people call you short? YOUR SHORT! Embrace it, accept it, make it your own!

Ed: WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO TINY THAT YOU CAN JUST STEP ON LIKE A LITTLE ANT?!

Everyone: That's not what they said…

Ed: I'm 16! I shouldn't be this size, I should be a LOT TALLER!

LLF: You should. I'm 1 year younger than you and I'm 7 inches taller!

Ed: HEY! STOP MAKING FUN OF MY HEIGHT ISSUES!

LLF: Anyways, we should continue. The next question is from edthesupersaiyan

ETSS: to winry: what is the first thing you two would do if you found out that somehow, by someway, that scar was your biological uncle?

Winry: What the hell? (A/N that was my reaction too)

LLF: Ok, I think that's all we have time for today! See you next time!

**PLEASE ASK AS MANY QUESTIONS AS GODDAM POSSIBLE! I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY ARE, JUST ASK THEM!**


	3. Chapter 3

LLF: Alright! I'm back with more questions!

Evreyone:*Sigh*

LLF: Ok, first up, we have kisckassia

KA: to ed: why are you an atheist? YOU FREAKIN SAW THE BIG MAN HIMSELF!

Ed: I SAW him, but I didn't see him DO anything. If God really cared about us, he wouldn't have let half the stuff that happened to us really happen now, would he? He's supposed to care for us, not put us through a bunch of shit.

LLF: Well said! Next we have edthesupersaiayan

ETSS: to envy: were you built as a man or a woman? Because your wardrobe is raising some questions...

Envy: I don't have a gender. My looks and wardrobe might be deceiving, but I am neither male or female.

LLF: Ok, and now we have Eliza Tenorio again

ET: Al have you ever fallen in love? ... I would gladly make you fall in love with me

Al: No… And that's really sweet of you to say that.

LLF: Oh, you think it's sweet now, just wait until the fangirls attack! But anyways, next we have fullyinsanealchemist

FIA: ...the hell? Treseme? Ed are 'ya sure?

Ed: What! It keeps my hair silky and smooth!

FIA: Winry, can you tell me whats ur EXACT height? I'm 15 and everybody says that im 'short' (the hell.. i'm 5'4!)'

Winry: I'm about 5'4" too, so at least you're taller than Ed!

Ed: HEY! WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE?

Everybody: She didn't say that…

FIA: Ed: I've got a quotation here... Can you give us your own perspective?  
" The size of a man is can be measured by the size of the thing that makes him angry."

Ed: If that was true then I'd only be as tall as the Colonel…

Roy: I'm still taller than you Fullmetal.

Ed: I could kidd your ass any day of the week, Colonel!

Roy: I'd like to see you try, you-

LLF: OKAY! Let's try NOT to kill anyone okay? We should move on. Our next guest is Neusuada

N: Ask WInry if she would ever kiss Ed :)

Winry: *blushes* Well…

LLF: That counts as a yes!

Winry: No it doesn't. *blushes more*

LLF: She's blushing and that means yes!

Roy: Are you always this annoying?

LLF: Yeah, pretty much. But we should move on. Next we have kash30032000

K: Hey, Mustang. Have you ever started a fire because you started to snap your fingers to the beat of your favorite song? (A/N this question made my day!)

Roy: No! I would never do something so stupid! Do you think I'm an idiot or something?

LLF: Yes.

Riza: There's a reason we don't play the radio in the office anymore…

Roy: *gets depressed*

LLF: But we love you anyways!

Roy: Really?

LLF: Of course! It's hilarious to watch you! Especially when you're useless!

Roy: *gets depressed again*

**OK! And that brings an end to another chapter. PLEASE COMMENT!**


	4. Chapter 4

LLF: OK! More questions! First I have thenutyone

TNO: Ed what is your pants made of? Leather, Spandex, Jeans?

Ed: My pants are made of leather. But is that seriously what you think when you're watching?

LLF: *dreaming* mmm… leather pants…

*Roy snaps fingers to wake LLF up. Roy's desk promptly lights on fire*

Havoc: SHIIIIIIIT!

LLF: Huh? Oh! Next we have my awesome friend longhairandleather

LHL: This question is for Ed, r ur pants leather because they kinda look like loose leather pants...r they?

Ed: What is it with everyone and my pants? Seriously! They're leather! NOW ASK ME ABOUT OTHER THINGS THAN MY PANTS!

LLF: But leather pants are so… hot… Anyways, next up is neusuada

N: What about Ed? Would he kiss Winry?

Ed: *blushes*

LLF: Aww! Ed's gonna kiss Winry!

Ed: NO! I DON"T LOVE WINRY, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT I WOULD HAVE A CRUSH ON THAT MECHANIC FREAK WITH NO SEX APPEAL?

LLF: Sounds like someone's in denial!

*LLF is almost punched by Ed*

LLF: So our next guest is kash30032000

K: Ooh, ooh! I got more questions *raises hand* (I love this fic!)

LLF: *smiles bashfully* Thanks…

K: Ed, what's your personal opinion about Al calling you 'Brother' rather than calling you by your real name?

Ed: Uh… I dunno… Why do you even do that, Al?

Al: It's because I respect you more than anyone else, brother

Ed: Aww, Al, you don't have to be so formal.*EMBRACE!*

"LLF has fangirl spasms on the floor*

K: Ed, why don't you wear your dog of the military uniform?

Ed: Because I just joined the military so that I could research the Philosopher's stone. It's not like I really WANT to be a dog of the military, so I refuse to dress and be like them

LLF: Ok! Thanks kash! (you have way too many numbers in your name for me to type). Net, we have my friend Eliza Tenorio

ET: hey Scar if you see a fly that's flying around you and it's annoying, do you use your special hand to make it explode?

Scar: I only use my arm to right the wrong which is alchemy. I would not kill flies as they are the creatures of God. Alchemists defile the world God gave us, so they have gone back on God, so they must die.

LLF: He sounds like a preacher… Next up is Neibaku.

N: What so you do when you run out of bullets/guns!

Riza: I'm very talented in hand-to-hand combat. I can fight without guns, I just prefer to use them

LLF: Ok, next we have kikaflika

KF: to ed: why did you try to shatter rose's belief in god? just because you're an atheist doesn't mean that you get to rub it in other peoples' faces and condemn their beliefs. And another thing there are such things as religious scientists, science's dictionary definition is "the study of god's creation" so there can be religious scientists

Ed: I didn't shatter Rose's belief in God. I just told her to have more trust in herself instead of corrupt organizations like the thing Cornello created.

LLF: Next we have kisckassia

KAS: to ed: I dont like your explanation as to why you dont believe in god. Did you think he was gonna make an exception for you because you wanted your mother back? No, god doesnt do that, you break a rule, you get punished like everyone else. The big man isnt gonna give you special treatment because YOU think your cause is just.

Ed: I don't believe in God because why would someone take my mom away in the first place when she was the only thing we had. How can there be a god when there is so much pain and misery in the world?

LLF: ***ALHOUGH I AGREE WITH ED, PLEASE! I BEG OF YOU ****NOT**** TO TURN THIS INTO A DEBATE ABOUT GOD! WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN BELIEFS AND THERE'S NO POINT CAUSING MORE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN US ALL OVER THESE THINGS* **But we need to move on. Next we have edthesupersaiyan

ETS: to ed: if people always mistake al for the fullmetal alchemist, why do you bring him along?

Ed: Because he's my brother! We're in this together, so whatever we do, we have to do together. That's how we work.

LLF: Ok, now we have Lawliet Holmes

LH: Oh my god, some of these are brilliant. Uh, okay, here's some of my questions.  
Mustang: What do you think about all the graphic, lemony fanfiction written about you and Ed?

Roy and Ed: What!? *grab LLF's laptop and look at RoyEd yaoi*

Ed: WHAT THE HELL?

Roy: *blushing* Well…

*Ed looks at Roy*

LH: Ed: Which ending do you prefer; Brotherhood or normal FMA?

Ed: Brotherhood. Because in the end of brotherhood, I get to be with Al and Winry. And that's what's important.

LLF:*tears in eyes* It's so sweet!

LH: Al: Will you marry me? Well, will you be civil partners with me (because gay marriage still isn't legal in my country)?

Al: Um…I…uh… okay?

LLF: Aww. I wanna come to the wedding. Also, the same-sex thing sucks… Wait… COME GET MARRIED IN CANADA! IT'S LEGAL HERE!

LH: Lust: If you had to choose one character to take to bed, which one would it be?

Lust: Hmm… I think I'd have to say the Colonel. I like a powerful man *sexy smile*

LH: Armstrong: How can I get a body like yours?

Armstrong: With hard work and dedication! Young man, you must focus your mind and train your body as much as you possibly can! There are no shortcuts!

LLF: *Face-screen (I'm on a laptop, so if I try to face-desk, I hit my head into the screen)* Ok, goodbye everyone!

*Armstrong is still ranting and everyone tries to avoid hearing any more*

**FINALLY! I apologize for this really long update, but I've been so busy with homework and helping others with homework that I didn't have enough time to do anything else. Also, someone please remind me why I thought it was a good idea to take French again. JE N'AIME PAS LE FRANÇAIS! C'EST UN SUJECT QU'EST TRÈS ENNUYANT! **


	5. Chapter 5

LLF: Alrighty! I'm back with even more questions. Super sorry for not posting in a while, but I had a lot of things on my mind Anywyay, first question

_Dreamchaser25  
_

_I have a question for Al :D. Does Edward sleepwalk in his boxers? o.O_

Al: Yes. Brother does it all the time. Once he even walked into Winry's room in just his boxers

Ed: DON'T TELL THEM ABOUT THAT!

_Neusuada  
_

_to roy: Have you ever snapped your fingers in a poetry place to applaud the person and set them on fire by mistake?_

LLF: I died when I red this question. Neusuada wins 60,000 awesome points.

Roy: Yes. Once.

* * *

Flashback

A younger Roy is sitting with a group of people in a circle. A bohemian-looking man just finished a piece of particularly deep prose about the life of someone living near the Ishablian war.

"That touched my soul, man..." Said another man, lying lazily on the grass. Nodding his head slowly, he began to snap. Slowly they all joined in. Roy too.

As he snapped, all hell broke loose. The man who had finished reciting his poetry was engulfed in a mass of flames.

"Oh dear god!" the burning man yelled.

Roy stared at the flames, shocked.

And he never listened to poetry again

* * *

LLF: Ok... that story was pretty bad, but anyways, time for our next guest

_thenutyone_

_Yes Ed I think about your pants *eyeroll*._

_Roy, since you play with fire do you wet the bed?_

Ed: *Shifts awkwardly*

Roy: No! That's preposterous!*blushes a teeny bit*

LLF: Well... Not too sure how to respond to that.. but let's move on

_longhairandleather_

_Does Ed know harry potter because they were looking for the same stone (thanks for using my question btw)_

Ed: Who's Harry Potter and waht does he know about the stone?

LLF: *Hands Ed Harry Potter and The Philospher'#s stone (Note: For all the people who've seen it as the sorcerer's stone, the philoshper's stone was what is was published as in the UK*

Ed: *Reads it* Al, we're going to Hogwarts.

Al:*facepalm*

_kash30032000  
_

_Envy, you're my favorite homunculus. Can you transform into me and work at my job? I work as a three-year-old teacher at a daycare._

Envy: Okay... *The next day there's an article in the news about a teacher mrudering their entire class of 3 year-olds*

LLF: Don't trust Envy with children...or anything you'd prefer to live, really.

_Lawliet Holmes  
_

_Thank you very much. I was expecting something more along the lines of, "you can't! A body such as mine has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!" but thank you very, very much! YES! I'M MARRYING AL IN CANADA._

_Okay, here's some more questions._  
_Mustang: Have you ever thought of invested in those bedroom lights that turn on when you snap your fingers?_  
_Al: What joint oil do you use for your armour?_  
_Armstrong: Can I have a hug?_

Roy: I have them. They're called _candles_

Al: Winry orders some special kind from rushy valley. I don't know which one...

Armstrong: Of course, my young boy! *crushes Lawliet Holmes in a gigantic hug*

_fullyinsanealchemist_

_hey guys! It's me again! *grins_

_i came here just to give Winry my biggest WRENCH. Its my thankyou gift for saying that i'm taller than Ed.._  
_Now you can bash Ed's head using it! It has special features like metal spikes on its edge! _

_I like Ling so im giving him my special chow mein!_

_Kain and Sziecka makes a good pairing, no?_

_to ed: Do you know that your fangirls loves your hair flip? It makes them scream out their lungs when you do it. ( but honestly i love it too.. / )_

Winry: EEP! Thank you so much! I can't wait to use it! *looks over at Ed*

Ed:*runs like hell*

Ling: Thanks! *Takes the food and eats it all in about 4 seconds* More please!

LLF: YES!

Schiecka: *reading a book, not paying attention*

Kain: Well...

Ed: IT does?

LLF: Yes. It does. It makes people fangasm...

_Neusuada  
_

_I have one more question. For both Ed and Al: How do you two feel about elricest?_

Ed: What the hell? Why would I do my BROTHER? You fangirls are creepy...

Al: Of course I don't want to have sex with my brother...

_Diana Obelisk_

_Ok: for Ed (and Al): the first time I was searching for Alphonse shlash fics, can you guess what I came across? Interesting EdxAl stuff. Your reaction? (BTW, I went away as soon as I fihured out what was going on...)_

_Another for Ed: What is the exact nature of the relationship between you and Colonel Mustang? _

_Mustang: how do you feel about that?_

Ed: Do you fangirls just pair anything with anything?

LLF: Yes. I even invented the smut bucket. You put in a bunch of character's names and then pick 2 out at random. It's pretty funny...

Ed:*blushes* It's just professional!

Roy:*so very obviously lying* Ed's completely right! there's nothing going between us!

LLF: But-

Roy: Nothing!

* * *

**Sorry for making you all wait so long for this chapter. Anways. It's here and I love you all. Keep asking questions!**


End file.
